Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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