it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
