He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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