We named our party play list daddy issues
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
