I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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