Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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