SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
