why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
