The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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