I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
