There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize