i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
