i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
