I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
