He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this boner is exhausting
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
