Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
