we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
