the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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