he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
