my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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