You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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