im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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