Need sex. Gaining weight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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