You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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