I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
