When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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