I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize