I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
