Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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