shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize