remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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