i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
