Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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