well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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