Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
