Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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