there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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