I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
