at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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