OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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