He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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