I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he thought i was a dude.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
