I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
