You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
