I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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