She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
