I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
