your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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