I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
