no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ugly people sure do ruin things
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
