I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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