god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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