Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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