i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you never un-have a 4some
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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