Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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