dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
