I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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