the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
