never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
